entry no. 2
april 22, 2018
STRENGTH.
We shine the brightest in our darkest time. We share the most love when we’re in battle. We are the strongest, when there is no other choice to be.
The thought of losing my parents never crossed my mind. But life is full of surprises.
The doctor has recently diagnosed my mom with HER2-Positive Breast Cancer, stage 2 – on the edge of stage 3. It’s crazy that my mom had been seeing multiple doctors for over 6 months in Taiwan and none of them could figure out the cause of the chest pains she’s been having for the past year.
My dad was the one who called me to deliver the news. February 23, 2018:
“Hello? Jenny …? So it turns out mom tested positive for breast cancer. If you can fly back to Taiwan and come see her this Spring Break I think it would be best. Sorry that you’re hearing the news like this. I have to go now, they’re doing some more follow up tests…”
It was the first time I heard my dad cry. It shattered me to pieces. My whole life, I’ve always wanted to help take the stress off his shoulders and let him lean on me. The one time he needed someone to lean on, I wasn’t there
Since then, I’ve tried to do everything I can to be a good, loving, supportive daughter. Both my parents were in Taiwan 70 percent of the time that year, so I frequently went back home to check on the house and keep it clean. I loved driving home from school because it gave me 2 hours to clear my thoughts and enjoy the view of the cornfields. However, the part I hated the most was coming home to an empty house.
Even though it was a simple task at hand, I struggled. Everytime I went home, it was another reminder that I’m the only person on this continent with no family members. It felt lonely and soulless. The entire house was filled with silence if not interrupted by my scuffling and other noises I made. I cried myself to sleep frequently. But even then, nights were hard to pass when I kept having nightmares with no one to go to.
I struggled with my fear of the dark. I struggled with extreme wild thoughts of losing my parents and being alone in this world. I struggled with having the motivation to wake up and start my day. Nonetheless, I wanted to do everything I can to support my parents. Even if it’s the smallest task such as taking out the recycling or emptying the mail.
My parents are the closest people to my heart in this world. Nothing can replace them or their love. No matter where we are, even if we’re miles away, time zones away, planets away, I know that their love will always be there. And even after they’re gone, this love isn’t going anywhere.
